The Problem with Feedback

Every time I engage in a transaction or renew a membership, I am asked for feedback. I receive feedback after events and meetings I organize with clients and colleagues. The problem with feedback is that we rarely know how to give it, and seldom learn how to take it. Why is that?

Maybe we fail to recognize that feedback is a conversation -- it goes both ways. The way we engage in it speaks as much about how we think and who we are and want to be as it does about the circumstance, transaction, or product and service in question. Feedback is highly subjective. Yet we can learn to think about it in more ways than one.

The Company Survey -- How?

Do you really, honestly want to know? Are you writing your questions and asking them in a way that directs responses to confirm your theories, or are you willing to consider changes as a result of the conversation? How do you filter feedback?

We all know that, on the other side, it is pretty hard to provide feedback. Maybe we were in a bad mood, or maybe we were distracted and not listening/reading actively. So we go ahead and transfer our state of mind onto the questionnaire and charge it with intentions it did not have.

How do we keep a good balance between asking the right questions at the right time and helping people provide us with the information we need? Ask too much, or too soon, and people will disengage pretty quickly -- everyone is busy and so many things vie for our attention. Ask too little and too late, and people will think that you don't care.

The Exit Interview -- Why?

I was talking with a Commander of the Naval Air Engineering Station recently on the topic of leadership and this subject came up. Since I just recently had one of those, I thought it interesting that his take was quite similar to mine.

Have a process to capture information and feedback from staff who choose to leave your employ and those who are let go. You want to ask a lot of open, why questions, sit back and listen. This is the best opportunity you have to receive information from someone who supposedly has nothing more to lose.

To be realistic, often people leave for better jobs or because they just got to the point where they could not see themselves as part of your team anymore. They may be quite unprepared to provide candid and constructive commentary.

So to those who are in a position to help a company with 'why' I say -- think of it as a chance to lead, even if you had none in the course of your employment, even if you were let go. This is your chance to choose the high road, to be helpful and stay positive. In the long run, you care more about your self esteem and about helping your former colleagues.

Can social media be a tool for learning how to share constructive feedback?

[image of Italian actor Toto' who starred in 97 movies from 1937 to 1967 and was versed in all kinds of theatrical genres]

Comments

[Stephen Denny]

I always looked at exit interviews like my own personal, "Inside the Actors' Studio" moment -- they've always been pretty fun, actually. Who wouldn't want to talk about what led you to leave a company of several years with James Lipton? I think it would be great.

However, your point about giving and receiving feedback reminded me of a company that routinely did "employee opinion surveys" where everyone gave high marks because those who didn't were routinely found out and moved on. As a result, there was no honesty -- only fear.

I think we have to decide what we want to hear, honestly, and then what to do once we've heard it.

[CK]

"Feedback is a conversation -- it goes both ways."

So an ISP calls me a few days after I bought a domain to "get my feedback" (which it did) and to sell me on a privacy service (which it didn't, tho' they tried to scare me with the 'your identity could be stolen' pitch.) They asked me if I had any questions...which was great. And then they asked me what I most like about their service...what was 'the best thing' about them they wondered.

"But I've only had your service for 3 days, so I don't know what I like 'best'" say I.

"But I need to fill-out something on this form" says he.

It was then that I told him that that was my answer--and was feedback that could truly help their surveys. Ya know, give a girl some time to try the service...and then ask that question.

The convo ended there. Sigh ;-).

[Valeria Maltoni]

Stephen -- I am not surprised yet constantly puzzled by the insecurity and indecision of senior management in companies. Also, while in Europe you may get a more candid response, albeit a bit more pessimistic, here people tend to want to score high marks by saying good things -- even when there are no good things to say.

CK -- exactly! How can you know if the service works for you already? Why so impatient? Why focusing only in the short term? Where are the survey people when you have something to say?

[Mark Goren]

Feedback goes both ways and I'm sure that the answer to your question "Do you really want to know" is a "no". In many cases, at least.

First of all, not everyone (or business) has skin thick enough to take the negatives. Maybe they're asking to be nice. I'd love to see a real case showing how a company responds seriously to its feedback.

Are they blogging, accepting comments and responding to them honestly?

How do companies that record calls learn from the conversations?

What loop is in place to collect, analyze, and implement feedback?

These are just some of the questions I have. Thoughts?

[Michael Wagner]

This has been a top of mind subject for me in recent days, so reading your reflections and these comments on feedback is helpful.

It seems we have so ritualized feedback that we get ritual responses...at times at least.

We know that humans learn best when the feedback is quick and consistent. Touching a hot stove provides that kind of learning. If it took days before we felt the pain of a burnt finger, we'd be in trouble.

So why do we save it up for annual reviews, exit interviews and employee surveys? Is this deflection?

And will social media help? I think it could and will but resistance to hearing and giving feedback seems to me more a human problem than a technology problem.

I'm more full of questions than anything else on this subject.

And I am still ruminating on what you write in the first paragraph: The problem with feedback is that we rarely know how to give it, and seldom learn how to take it. Why is that?

Yes...why is that?

Keep creating,
Mike

[Valeria Maltoni]

Mark:

As usual, you inspire me to think a little deeper about the dynamics here. Maybe it's not an issue of thick skin. Perhaps it's an issue of distraction and being projected elsewhere. If we did capture the information and responded to the invitation to a dialogue in the moment, what would happen? Chances are we would have stories vs. positions. There are companies that are masterful at collecting feedback... yet they suck at change. I will look for a real story of implementation.

[Valeria Maltoni]

Mike:

"So why do we save it up for annual reviews, exit interviews and employee surveys? Is this deflection?"

This could be a case of saving the best for last... ok, maybe not. Think of the feedback loop that musicians and performers use: instantaneous. Why? Because they are in the business of practicing to teach muscles and develop grace, skill, etc.

I would never dream of singing on stage without hearing myself in real time. So why do we delay 'hearing' ourselves in business? Is it because we already know that we are wanting? Then the problem is not with feedback. The problem is with performance.

If we think about social media as a tool, then we could compare it to the on stage speaker that allows us to hear ourselves talk or sing in a theatre. We may be in denial of the fact that we are any good... yet we do hear ourselves reflected back to us.

I do not have answers here. Your questions are stimulating me to explore in new directions. Maybe the psychology is one of entitlement vs. one of effort.